5 Things I Learned From Having Twins

Life’s full of surprises.  Finding out you are having twins- that’s certainly one of them.  You can read all the books and you can plan and plan and then plan some more but when D-day comes its trial by fire; it is sink or swim.  I suppose all roads into motherhood are like that.  And quite honestly, it is mostly sinking.  And yet, in this weird twisted way, it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.

DiakandruTwins-184

The twins are 1.5yrs old now, and here’s what they’ve taught me so far:

Lesson 1:  I can’t do it all.  

When I had just one child I had gotten to a comfortable place.  I planned fun outings, I hosted dinner parties, I homeschooled, my house was mostly tidy, and I had a meal plan every week for dinner.  When I was pregnant with the twins one consistent piece of advice, I received from other twin mamas, was for me to accept help.  I would smile politely but in my mind, I was saying – “maybe you needed the help, but I got this. I’ve done the research, I’ve got the sleep training schedule, I’m not easily overwhelmed: I’ll be fine.”

DiakandruTwins-81

Now that the twins are here, my house is rarely clean, the laundry is always behind, I’m lucky if I get a shower and I mean do they really expect to eat every night?  Oh and this is us in a good place.  I wrote a blog post dedicated to this one topic (read it here.) but the premise was this, it is a season.  In my current season, the housekeeping and sadly my hygiene have taken a backseat to doing life with my little people.  I can’t do it all and I don’t have to do it all, and you don’t either.  Let the dishes pile up, let the floor stay dirty a little while longer, just be present.  Who knew there could be so much joy in these sticky messy places?

DiakandruTwins-52

Lesson 2: His grace runs deep.  

I never expected the labor to last long after birth and that remembering to breathe would become a daily task.  I didn’t realize that motherhood would drive me closer to the cross.  A constant reminder to the good news that He restores the broken, that He fills the gaps, that He makes all things new.  I’ve never needed this truth more.  I’m the one who yelled out of place, I’m the one who lost my patience, I’m the one who crushed their spirit with a harsh remark.  I’m the one who let my schedule get in the way of their needs.  I’m the one who set unfair expectations for myself and for them.

DiakandruTwins-164

While being a mom is one of my most treasured titles, it requires all of me and I get it wrong daily. And while they’re throwing the outward tantrums, where’s my heart in all of this?

So I live grace and forgiveness.  Grace says I’m right where I need to be, cracks and all, because it’s the Father that fills the cracks. Grace says I don’t have to measure up, grace says that even though I’ve failed them, He never will.

Lesson 3: I care too much about what other people think.  

Remember that messy house I’m currently rocking?  It bothers me. Remember earlier when I said I can’t do it all?  Well, that bothers me too.   Why?  Because while I can finally admit that I can’t do it all, I certainly don’t want you to know that.

DiakandruTwins-96

I have this one friend, and every time I go over to her house I’m amazed at all she does in a day.  Her house appears to always be clean and she serves her kids the most balanced meals.  Meanwhile, I’m over here like, can I count ketchup as a vegetable?  I have other friends that rarely raise their voices, some that always look adorable, and another runs like 5 miles before I even open my eyes each morning, and let’s not leave out the friend that has her homeschool lessons planned out weeks in advance.  I end up kicking myself and saying “brushing your hair in the morning would go a long way.  You really need to give the kids more veggies with their meals.  Would it kill you to run once in awhile (it most definitely would) You know, it wouldn’t hurt you to be a little more organized,” the list goes on.  It’s stupid, but I do it anyways.

Insecurity is dangerous.  It fosters the lie that we aren’t enough.  If that’s where our focus is, then we miss everything else. Lisa Bevere says “If you feel you are inadequate, worthless, or not enough, you didn’t get those ideas from God.”  Comparison is a deadly trap, don’t get caught.

DiakandruTwins-150

“I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; for to have been thought about, born in God’s thought and then made by His hands is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking.” {George MacDonald}.

 

 

Lesson 4: I’m my own worst enemy.  

I want to get it more right than wrong.  I want to never lose it.   I want to enjoy the mess. So what gets in the way?  Me.  I get in the way.

I’m the one who gets mad at my child for misbehaving, for needing to be parented.

I’m the one who chose to spend my time doing something that will never matter in the long run instead of staying longer to rub backs and steal cuddles.

I’m the one who’s annoyed that we couldn’t get out of the house on time to keep the schedule, never realizing I’m setting the tone for the day.

DiakandruTwins-73

I’m the one playing board games all the while going over the to-do list in my head. They’re laughing and I’m thinking about the laundry that needs to be done.

I’m the one that bought into the comparison trap. That I need to be better.

All the while, I’m the one that’s missing the joy in these moments. I’m the one that needs to get out of the way.

 

Lesson 5: My heart is bigger than I thought. 

The other night I was cuddled up on the couch with my wild two, watching Moana for the 782nd time.  My oldest, playing on the iPad on the floor beside us. There were 40 wiggling fingers and toes poking me in all the wrong places but I literally thought my heart was going to burst it was so full.

DiakandruTwins-15

While it’s true, a mother loves her kids in an unexplainable capacity, that’s not what I’m actually talking about here. I’m talking about how they make me love better. It’s the example they set. It’s the unconditional way they love me when I’ve lost my cool or when I burn the grilled cheese.   Their love is relentless, sometimes too relentless – What’s a girl got to do to go to the bathroom by herself around here?

It’s seeing the world through their eyes.  It’s princesses and pirate ships. It’s believing anything is possible.  It’s saying “hi” with a smile to everyone we meet regardless of gender, race, or ethnicity.  It’s kisses when I’m crabby and laughter when I’m trying to sulk.  When my 7-year-old asks me for a couple of dollars to give the homeless man I just brushed past; my heart becomes bigger, it becomes better.

DiakandruTwins-85

The twins have unequivocally rocked my world, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  To my pregnant-with-twins mamas: You got this girl, but accept the help anyway.

XOXO,Holly

 

 

 

 

Photo Credit:  Gina Felice Photography

Lessons I Learned

Advertisements